bryan stars

An Open Letter to a Hero named Heidi Mendoza

2011-02-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Heidi,

The educated few brew theories on the stale state of good governance of our unfortunate republic within the insulated walls of their cliques.

The uneducated many take this sorry state of the state as it is…a way of life…the Filipino culture.

Who is wiser?

You, Heidi Mendoza.

You told the unremitting truth when most of us hid them under sighs of prayer of an almost non-committal hope.

Your brother in the profession,

Bryan Stars, CPA

On Pinoy Movies

2011-02-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

it has dawned to me a long time ago that philippine cinema is a myth while philippine showbiz is upscale 'perya'.

i don't think edith hamilton mentioned star cinema in her book and i don't dwell on legends beyond greek and nordic.

I Love Ricky Gervais

2011-01-18T20:15:00.000-08:00

On the issue: why can't other universities have standards like Ateneo?

2010-09-27T06:51:00.001-07:00

my reply on the discussion:
["quality education entails not just preparing graduates to become rank and file employees but preparing graduates to become managers (bakit sa ateneo yung linkages ng schools nila magaganda? trained ka dun na maging boss..."]

different universities have different missions. ateneo (de manila) molds their students to be future leaders and become nation builders. my beloved saint louis university's mission is to transform students into high quality "competent and socially involved" human resource. evidently SLU has reached that standard. and that's SLU for us...

[my UP education is another story altogether]

but i can't say the same for other schools... it is unfortunate that most higher educational institutions are only after the $$$!

On the issue: Charice being called a Filipino on Glee has a demeaning subtext

2010-09-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

The 'subtext' that I observed was a commentary, if not a critique on Americans' lack of understanding (if not, apathy) to cultures outside their own.

When the writers penned Rachael's line "...you are... from the Philippines where its sunny everyday..." plus the increased volume of Rachael's voice when she attempted to explain what a glee club is to her Asian-y looking schoolmate the writers were trying to stereotype Americans' condescending treatment of foreigners specially non-Caucasians.

This time I believe the writers are "on our side".

STRINGS

2010-09-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

as my grad school days draw to an end i might need to find my way back in the industry. a few weeks back my dad came in my dream and he asked me to learn how to play the violin. i am half hoping he doesn't mean i should go to law school.

on the dilemma: WHERE YOU SHOULD BE and WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

2010-08-17T07:19:00.000-07:00

you should always be where you will be at peace with yourself and that's only possible when you are where you want to be. i know people who are rich beyond my telling and have achieved monumental things... regretfully though their present circumstance is NOT exactly what they want. the fleeting sense of achievement and the more fleeting fun of showing off their brand new LV are their intermittent reminders that they chose to be unhappy.

it's like a grant to take the last trip of your life. as a mickey fan you've always wanted to go to disneyland 'cause you grew up watching mickey and goofy but you went to las vegas for poker games 'cause that's what you expect yourself to do or what people expect you to do. surely, vegas' bright lights are rockin' fun...but only until the neons are on.

On Piracy

2010-08-08T00:46:00.000-07:00

gate crashing a grad school debate on social responsibility:

i do not explicitly support piracy. but here's my take on the matter: the only way to curb piracy is to trim the expanding waists and bank accounts of artists and CEOs and make art affordable to the majority. i.e. if an original DVD costs P150 vs a pirated of P50... who in his right mind would waste his 50 bucks for a phony that would last a week when the real thing is an added hundred bucks and years of unending weekends or lazy days of re-runs? why should we allow these Caribbean island-owning CEO's pass the responsibility to the consumers and burden us with their supposedly expensive art?

like an indie

2010-07-11T01:42:00.000-07:00

There's that eerie feel again. One a.m. shower. It feels like I’m living inside an indie film.

My typically dull senses seem amplified. Each shower drip takes a note when each hit the cheap tiles...an ethereal re or an unfamiliar sol and the re-sol, re-sol sequence replaces a supposedly enya-tic musical score if it were a commercial movie as the director's shaky hands point the camera to the semi-dusty fluorescent bulb to cue an abstract end.

late night work out

2010-07-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

it's half past 11 pm and i'm still lifting weights in between typing these words.

i've been working out since 2002...stopped for 7 years and back at it late october last year.

i am alarmingly hooked up at lifting heavy weights...130 lbs on the bench press...

i guess i am back

2010-06-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

a new blogger buddy asked me and his other friends to be straightforward and be critical on his writings:

i wrote this:

"half a decade of blogging and i pen no better than my high school theme-writing days. but i've been to several hundreds if not a few thousands of sites and read more blog posts than the number of verses in the bible and in the qu'ran combined...thrice!

your blog lacks life. you're full of heartbeats in 4D...that is why i enjoy your company a lot..but you are rather dull in HTML format.

breathe life into your pieces. that's where i toss my 2 cents.

3 posts in a few weeks...you're doing just fine... pen some more buddy.

PS

here are some of my fave:

http://www.momel8.blogspot.com/
http://thebashfulone.blogspot.com/"

right after clicking "post", i felt like writing again. and i just did. i guess I AM back.

Panagbenga notes from someone who’s seen enough parading sunflowers to last him six lifetimes

2010-02-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

1. If you’re planning to leave your Peugeot at home and you haven’t bought a ticket yet then you should have started walking last year if you wish to make it on the big day this Sunday.

2. All rodent and roach-free hotel rooms are booked by now.

3. Baguio has enough of them skinny twinks with bayonet-like chins in aviator sunglasses. Don’t make things worse. Leave your ~~chin and the face it is attached to~~ pair at home.

4. People say wrapping your jacket around your waist is too clichéd. I think it is crappy like the 80’s.

5. Wear sunscreen. You’ll be 5,000 feet above sea level; you’ll be closer to the sun…I think *nail bites*.

6. Nevada Square is where you:
a. party the hardest
b. might lose your spleen
Your limbs are safer at Café Will.

7. Non-diva rodent and roach-free dining: Jack’s Restaurant or Good Taste.

8. Diva dining: Le Chef, Manor Hotel, Camp John Hay.

9. Please don’t point your fingers in SM’s direction like it’s the Eiffel Tower.

10. Beware of petty thieves.

Fine and Dandy (eating marshmallows while at it)

2010-02-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

Bryan Star squeals and ...*fake faint*

Twink-le Twink-le Little Stars!

2010-02-10T06:23:00.000-08:00

it's not exactly out of character. i post photos here... a lot.
akin to my habit of sleeping with nothing on i usually publish them in the buff too.

...

if only these twinks were asked to join the Villar chorus, it would have meant one less vote for Noynoy

...

i'll pick these kids, scabs and all, anytime over my diva of a classmate and his yards and yards of burberry's. he turned catty overnight. he blames his acne-causing quarter life crisis. my heart goes out to him but i am not too crazy about the fact that his claw retraction symptom is aimed at me.

you can't help but feel sad for him. i wish he'd figure out how his EQ can fare higher than the fabric-per-inch of his dolce & gabbanas' 'cause i'm sure it will take him ten eternities to find a way to fare higher than my GPA.

...

"nakaligo kanetch ba sa jagat ng jasura?
nagjasko kanetch ba sa jitna ng jalsada?"

it's killing me! har har

A Pilate Act

2010-02-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

I’m thinking… maybe my partner and I adopt a new born blue-eyed Latvian girl to mark our ten years together this 2010. By 2015 our five-year old daughter is all grown up and smarter than both of her dads and slightly prettier than me. Life is good except that our cute-as-button family lives in a rubbish of a republic and I must expect that sooner she’ll ask me why is the Philippines the poorest country in the world.

With a straight botox-free face and in faux Liverpool accent I’ll tell her: “But dhaaaling, stupid voters ignored UP Economist Professor Winnie Monsod. She’s a brainy one, that lady! A bar of soap soaked in chlorine is no cleaner than her reputation. I trust her so much, I'll side with her if she argues that Katrina Halili is not a slut”. Then I will ask my daughter to google “Hayden” if she has any questions about Katrina Halili. "Anyway, Prof. Winnie tried to warn us of Villar but…I even blogged about it...daddy did his part...I'm sorry...".

Pontius Pilate may not be the metaphor of choice but I’m washing my hands now—not with chlorine and soap but with html and java script just to make sure I'm in the running for the straightest face for my blue-eyed daughter...

I Gasp

2010-01-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Please write a check amounting to PhP 50,000,000.00 payable to me for the emotional stress caused by a photo posted on facebook of a place from my past. I am distraught that there is no prevent-photos-of-places-that-cause-nausea-inducing-nostalgia-to-appear-in- my-window application available in your networking site.

It stressed me out so much, I missed a party today. Meaning, I spent two hours of dress rehearsals for nothing. My friends can download at least four HQ one hour-long porn with that amount of time. I could have spent that two hours driving to SM Rosales for a takoyaki take away, stay inside the Giordano shop for 45 minutes to ogle at their handsome staff and on my way back drop by the palengke for a kilo of lansones.

I believe that this application should have been a priority of your company. This oversight on your part must be addressed immediately, hopefully over the next banking day (but if there’s a Western Union in Palo Alto, I believe they are open on Sundays).

Otherwise, please send a handsome shrink who’s a citizen of a country that allows gay marriage to come and see me.

Gasping still,

Bryan

For the last time, at least in writing, farewell port of Moresby.

Work it!

2010-01-26T18:42:00.000-08:00

i sent a resume to a bank thinking i can work there as an accountant but they set the interview to test if i can manage one branch. i shrugged and agreed to sit with a panel. things you do for a buck!

I'm. not. good. at. panel. interviews! wa!!

can't i just send a video like elle woods did?

i can rant in flawless English under two circumstances only: 1. when i am under the influence of tequila or tequila-based cocktails or 2. when the issue is about high-fashion.

darn!

A new strain

2010-01-26T07:07:00.000-08:00

moving back to pinas six months ago, i was surprised to see A&F (genuine or otherwise) in pinoy mainstream fashion...

the letters and ampersand trio is everywhere...from the lechon manok guy chopping my Chooks take away, the pimply auto load girl sa kanto to them closeted ABS-CBN homos...

in the RP alone A&F will recover every single dime of the $45 million they paid to rejected applicants and affected employees (re: anti-asian/afro-american lawsuits)

it instantly reminded me of the Tommy Hilfiger epidemic (note to self and to everyone: A&F is the fashionable strain, i love their recent spring collection, below are my pickings)

check a parody of A&F's retail culture:

in good terms

2010-01-26T05:55:00.000-08:00

Walid, our Sudanese classmate was the fourth to the last person who left the room. A tower of 6'2, he is probably the tallest and most dark skinned (perhaps one the most handsome) person I ever took a midterm exam with.

Closing the door after him, his first sentence was: "I used all the English words I know on the exam."

Terrell Owens

I scoffed, "Me too, except the words vagina and orifice."

He laughed, I didn't.

Ten p.m., eighteen degrees Celsius and a petition for a re-take in mind, I ordered fresh milk at a Session Road bar and commenced my unprecedented dairy protest.

A week later: UP economics major Kat, the last soul to pass her paper took home a 99. Paulo from SLU's debate team placed second with a 97. Later in the evening, the Baguio breeze still 18 degrees, at the Giligans the third placer with his blue margarita was sipping away the end of his lactose protest.

The Busy and The Beautiful

2009-12-08T03:23:00.000-08:00

I guess my smudgy title says it all.

Momel dear (and all my blog peers), I promise to go through all your new posts as soon as my HP IPAQ scheduler says I'm free as fuck.

---

Anyway...

I stumbled upon a

a. good
b. very good
c. OMG very good
d. life changing

(it really depends on:
a. your reading comprehension
b. how fucked-up your life is )

read by Carlo Ignacio. And I'm really keen on sharing it to all.

Are you really happy?

Back to Back

2009-11-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

“Back to back” is too lesbian and this is supposedly a pageant post…my Miss Earth eye candies. I know, I’m supposed to take a step forward and write like I did at least 14 years of schooling but I can’t be too hard to myself after all that seems to be my professor’s lesson plan for this semester.

The Vatican Council-worthy “back to back” issue stirs the bishops of pageantry and they are keen to call a synod to discuss formally the merits and repercussions of having a reigning Filipina crown another Filipina at the Miss Earth 2009. This year’s Venezuelan back to back has caused the 2nd reformation where Miss Universe lost a considerable number of its faithful hence a failure of moral precedence.

Alas! That’s it for my attempt at creative writing! I might as well do something less embarassing like NOT watching Katrina Halili on TV.

My top 7

CUBA | KOREA

MEXICO | SPAIN

USA | VENEZUELA

PHILIPPINES

Farewell to the Moresby Chapter (Half Year Late)

2009-11-01T05:56:00.000-08:00

Salutations!

In case no one has mentioned to you yet, very few OCW Filipinos working or who use to work in Port Moresby had the chance for a sneak peek of what's the place is like. For most of us, if the experience is a speech, POM (or Port Moresby, the only other acronym that will be spasmodically part of your vocabulary while you are in PNG)was delivered before us impromptu, right there and then at the Jackson's.

Since you failed to mention the duration of your first try of la vida POM, I am assuming, based on your queries that it was a quick stab, but interestingly long enough and appreciative enough to be weighing up these issues this far. Truth is, I'm writing this for a personal reason. I'm sorry, but there are Pinoys who by virtue of their almost permanence of residence boast enough credibilty to address your queries. I only have five years to prop my bragging rights (if there should be one). This is then is my official thank you to the people of Port Moresby in case I failed to express gratitude when it was due.

It would be great to see the city once again.

Edgar, I don't want you to think that this rant is not worth a red cent so I'll tell you this: POM is not your hell yet. It pays to remember that angels lurk everywhere.

I wish you the best of luck.

Bryan Anthony

Reply to:

Dear Kababayans,

Greetings!

I am about to embark on a newly chosen life to work and live at PoM. I have just accepted an offer to work with Steamships Trading Company. Prior to finally accepting the job offer, I have joined this group to make a "feel" on how my kababayans in PNG (in general) communicate with each other. I have reviewed much of the messages posted by the group's members, exchanges of opinions, etc and found that although there was not so many messages being posted by members, at least it showed that there indeed exists a community spirit.

Using the groups' experiences and local knowledge, I would like to seek info on the following:

- security in general (my employer will provide housing and transpo)
- for a flat to live alone with Two bedrooms (at least), how much on the average will I spend for utilities monthly? My off hours will be spent watching TV, movies, and using my laptop (chatting and all).
- Living alone intending to prepare breakfast and dinner, how much is to be spent for food monthly?
- I have visited PoM on the request of my employer to see the place last july and was shown to places like the location of the phil embassy, supermarkets, major roads, etc. and saw some of my kababayans. Is there a usual hang-out for the pinoy community?.. . restaurant, deli shops, padala centre, etc?
- is it advisable that I open an account with a bank with branch at PoM (ANZ?) for a more convenient way to transact fund transfers to banks in Manila?
- items I will need to bring with me which is considered expensive at PoM? My employer will furnish my accommodation with basic furnishings (stove, fridge, sofa, dining table/chair, bed (no linen), curtain). Employer will cover additional 20kg excess baggage by the way.

For good-hearted individuals willing to provide any info and chooses to communicate directly, I will be glad if they do so. Any info and ideas will be taken objectively and with much appreciation.

Yours truly,

Edgar San Diego Jusay

not always about you

2009-10-02T21:39:00.000-07:00

it's not the best year-end, but it could be worse.

it's fuckin' right what these new age people say, count your fuckin' blessings! speak of gratitude! samoans, sumatrans, flooded marikina residents don't give a shit if your stupid boyfriend left you. why do you date a low life whose sense of worth expires with his fitness first membership anyway?

stop whining dear. it's not always about you.

anyhow... here's funny man greg roasting joan rivers...maybe a punch or two will crack you up a bit.

In My Life: It's a Mother's Day Movie

2009-09-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

Let's not bring out the pom-poms yet, the movie has nothing to do with us. A three second ~~kiss~~ PATTING of lips is anything but what we expected it to be.

photo from: http://pinoygossipboy.i.ph/blogs/pinoygossipboy/2009/09/17/movie-review-in-my-life/

Stand your guard sisters, the apparently gay-infested star cinema is really gay sanitized.

As for the film's merits (or the lack thereof)...hell, its numerous unnecessary plots made it appear lazily done. I was teary-eyed alright, teary-eyed from all the yawns. The a. shouting b. crying c. dancing d. slapping... please... there are other ways to tell a story. The Filipinos are (much much!) smarter than what you give them credit for.

Then again, I'm a mere mortal in the realm of films, hence, I yield to a more reliable reviewer:

"We really wanted "In My Life" to be one of the few films that we will always look back on and cherish as a film that brings a glimmer in our eyes. Unfortunately, that dream won't happen. So what made "In My Life" bad? First, it was definitely not the acting. We all have praises for the three main protagonists. Vilma was just at her best here and John Lloyd showed how much drama he can show out. Luis needs more improvement but he actually performed well being a homosexual so still, props to him. Second, it also wasn't the lack of drama thereof. There were oodles upon oodles of scenes where tears will fall and we also liked the occasional break from all the heaviness with light comedic scenes scattered all over the film.

Unfortunately, even with all the topnotch acting and drama, the simple truth is that "In My Life" left out one big aspect in a film and that is the story/plot. The story of "In My Life" was just too much for us too digest as there are a lot of unnecessary subplots happening all over the place (especially by the end of the film). As a viewer, we just wanted it to end but the film just gave more, more and more. We think the writers just forced it to have lots of dramatic avenues just for the sake that people will cry. As the saying goes, too much of anything is bad and this holds true here as they do not mesh well. Cry you will but you will might also wonder why. Even though it had unusual twists, it will make you think if it was really necessary to have them happen that way as an effective means to move the story forward. For us, they were not. "

review from: http://www.reeladvice.net/2009/09/in-my-life-movie-review.html

other reviews:
Jessica Zafra
Nestor Torre

Devil Anna

2009-09-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

was editing my power point presentation in international management...

phone call: "the devil is all over youtube"

i saved my file and closed power point application...

open youtube

power point slides...magazines, pwede.

Fuck This Song! I Laveeet!

2009-08-31T22:29:00.000-07:00

"So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval"

"Fuck You (Very Much)"

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

re-education on prayers

2009-08-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

my eyes are swelling as i type. of all the things said about Tita Cory, her unwavering faith impressed on me more than anything else. i promise to say the rosary more often. while some cynics (just as i was a few minutes ago) frown on repeated prayers, i realize now that solemnly repeating your prayers is equivalent to standing your ground and repeatedly reminding yourself that a divine force will take your side as long as you take his when a marching enemy storms your way. i believe that is what made Tita Cory a woman of strength and a woman at peace with her self.

Paalam Tita Cory

2009-08-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

"For the first time in the history of the world, a civilian population has been called to defend the military."

-María Corazón Cojuangco-Aquino
(born María Corazón Sumulong Cojuangco)
1933—2009

I am a prouder Filipino because of you Tita Cory. Farewell.

I Blabber Just to Mention the Scandal

2009-05-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

too much facebook... argh

The thing is, the Philippines is problem ridden and not even the most distilled form of democracy would ensure her the pink slip.

What might work is a paradigm shift that is neither government initiated or requiring a political revolution. We need to be better Filipinos. We start by not taking a leak on public places, hold on to our emptied cans of soda until we see a rubbish bin, wear your fucking helmet when you drive a bike, be fucking punctual, teach pro-bono at an orphanage, find better things to do like signing up for a clean-up drive than driving yourself crazy google-ing to watch a mediocre physician and a slutty talent-deficient actress get on it...

I am not an allied science professional, but i know enough that adhesive bandages can hide the bruises but it's a far cry to cure cancer.

Color Me

2007-12-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

Kid parties are ethereal when you've been to Georgia and California and sipped champagne on a yacht and seen some things that a woman aint suppose to see.

Yesterday at a Disney-themed merry making kids were thoughtlessly asked to 'polychromatize' some Winnie the Pooh drawings with crayons lacking of the basic gay colors. Nonetheless, since I am a big advocate of wholesomeness, I decided to join in the fun. I approached one of the kids and told him that his mom has left and he should start looking for her before Michael Jackson drops by. Apparently he understood his situation and fled. Needless to say, I stole his flaky set-of five lead-rich China-made crayon and worked my magic. Voila!

The exercise was calming and even elating.

For a moment I forgot all about my worries. I regressed into a time when life, excuse the lack of poetic skills-- is as simple as crayons and papers.

Here's to life's way of reminding us of its little treasures!

Gay Onions

2007-11-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

"Apart from being a complete lie, it contained words and phrases sufficient to leave in the minds of the readers that we are gay men engaged in a romantic dalliance, an imputation which seriously damaged our reputation as bankable actors..."
– Sam Milby & Piolo Pascual

If anything, the Filipino people should sue these two boys:

1. for assuming that Lolit Solis and Pilipino Star Ngayon is our source of truth;

2. for their homosexual prejudice. re: homosexuality is injurious to a person's repute of profession;

3. for actually believing that they are bankable actors;

4. for assuming that we actually consider them as actors;

5. for diverting public service time of the Manila City prosecutors’ office on trivial matters.

Mariannet Amper Decided to Die

2007-11-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

Mariannet is a fellow diarist. We thrive on ranting online about our lousy jobs, bad airline food, and our past lovers' personality disorders while Marrianet penned hope to see her family out of poverty.

She was 12 years old. Her family is so poor she was out of school for two fortnight--they have not a centavo to spare for her transport money.

Mariannet's cold neck found a nylon friend. Perhaps life's not so UNfriendly after all.

May she rest in peace.

Tell and Tell

2007-11-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

Your antics are not exactly the The Da Vinci secret. You must have realized by now that people talk. People you slept with talk. Now connect the gossip-loving dots and voila: your bed time stories on broadband.

Personally I don't have any issues on your sexual escapades. In fact I am a big fan of your work. What I am telling here is: it is not right when people are wronged in your attempt to cover-up your not-so inviolate past. Honesty is the only way to free yourself from the shadow of your promiscuous past without hurting other people. Do a Kris Aquino (re: her STD extravaganza). Admit that you were horny all decade, endure chastisement for a while and no sooner than the next Pinoy Big Brother nomination night earn peoples' respect for your honesty and for your courage to be so.

Save your worries; I don't have to mention your name here. This is not about you. This post is to vindicate people you have badmouthed just so you can keep a perfect picture of you.

Don't they teach this on Sunday mass you so frequent? Oh well.

Visits

2007-11-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

Dad,

Hello there!

You've been frequenting my dreams again, really it is alright but here's my deal: maybe we should cook up themes that are tad less scary?

Apparently, your frightening visits are well-timed for the Halloween but my guess is that you're on for a haunting spree in my dreams.

I did not really mean to make mom cry. Understand that 'bread winning' is not exactly the most promising career path. I am complaining, yes, but I'm not the type who peters-out from his obligations.

I hope that rests you in peace.

Since today is supposedly your day (along with the many who have gone to their rest in the hope of rising again), I wish you a rokin' and rollin' time.

Dreaming of your divine pinapaitan & heavenly (pardon the pun) dinuguan,

Bryan

P.S.

I travelled a bit and have dined on expensive and cheap tables alike and I'm proud to say that you remain to be best cook in the whole world!

MY FRIENDSTER IS SWARMED BY TINY BALD BEINGS

2007-03-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Unless some magical shit has turned my friends into midgets suffering from severe case of hair loss and some dental disease, I’d like to think that all of these profile photos of bald, toothless beings in my Friendster list are human babies.

These babies aren’t my friends. They’re my nieces, my nephews who will one day show up at my doorstep with a warrant of arrest for multiple gift evasion suits.

I wonder why they are posing as my friends.

My friends party hard! My friends eat Cosmopolitan for breakfast and devour Vogue for lunch. They chain smoke. They drink too much coffee and live on tequila.

They don’t watch Tagalog movies (at least they pretend that they do not). They pick-on my bad English. They’ve been to an Alanis tour and would be at a Tori Amos’ given a chance.

They gyrate with INOJ. They sleep late and wake-up later.

Gad I miss my college friends.

Perhaps they’ve left.

Cry-fitting infants are standing-in for them while they’re gone to some where-adults-should-be-when-they-turn-30 convention.

Diaper clad kids have taken their place.

Maybe they’re all gone.

Maybe I stayed behind.

I Wish the Tales of Mother Goose are true.

2007-02-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

I feel lazy, gang-raped tired and sleepy.

In many ways a week long repose in Pangasinan is a viable relief. But getting haunted by VISA receivables department people for months end may not worth a few weeks of fucking rest.

Wouldn’t it be great if we humans can elect to die temporarily?

I’m not talking about being medically dead and then waking-up from coma later or the excommunicable undertone of death and resurrection and the founding of a new religion. I’m thinking more in the vein of death-like deep sleep—ala hibernation.

Falling into a cavernous sleep ala Sleeping Beauty without the need to eat and excrete, do debit-credit, answer phone calls, send tuition-money back home, add weird people to your FRIENDSTER list, blah blah blah and wake-up like you’re zany Cameron Diaz the morning after an earth-shattering Justin Timberlake shag is not too much to ask, is it?

Dear Sibling

2007-01-15T02:37:00.000-08:00

Dear sibling,

How have you been spending your first pay? I say spend it all on something lavish and I’ll answer for the rest of your expenses until your next wage.

I can only assume how you feel about the board examination result. I am not happy of course. I am not sad either. I understand.

I rang up the night before day-1 of the examinations. We went on and on cracking old jokes. Then you mustered your courage to tell manong Bry that someone broke your heart—your first time.

I can tell as you blether hate, anger and hope that you’re in a flat spin. I can feel through each sob, you’re smashed to smithereens.

Your phone line's end is flooded with tears.

You tried haplessly to put into words your pain.

You told me it’s unfair and then asked me why?

Hey, you didn’t tell me there’s someone there to cause all these in the first place.

No sibling, I don’t grasp it no more than you do. Love is messy. Sorry, but that’s the best I can come up with. At any rate Manong will be here to help at every turn.

Sibling, hang on there. The raining and pouring shall end.

I’ll remain,

Manong Bry

Filipinos You Meet in Port Moresby

2007-01-06T16:50:00.000-08:00

"Seven Kinds of Filipinos You Meet in Port Moresby

1. The Pioneers.
Legend has it that they paddled their way to pre-independence Papua New Guinea fleeing the Imelda Inquisition.

This is the bunch I don’t know much about but ever so easy to spot in a crowd.

From the grannies with faux Australian accent and their SM-deprived offspring they’re almost always vexingly together anywhere they go thronging the ever few expatriate-safe locations in packs like a grade school fieldtrip.

2. Second Generation.
The OFWs.
Like the Pioneers, they are ever present during them infamously banal June 12 Independence Day celebrations where you’ll die of boredom from the shitty appearances of minor over-sensationalized Pinoy celebrities, Bingo craps, Christmas whatnots and basketball blahs.

3. Cross Breeders.
For socio-economic reasons, they breed exclusively with Caucasians.
If there’s too much carats going on, that’s them.

4. The Entertainers.
They’re prostitutes.

5. Churchgoers.
Well, you see them in church every Sunday and at majong tables after mass.

6. Accountants.
Grace Adler once said, “I hate clowns. They think they’re so funny”.

Delete “clowns”. Insert “accountants”. Delete “funny”. Insert “smart”.

7. Then there’s this gang of five. You’ll live life regretfully if you never get to meet them.

Nothing extremely special about this party of five but they guarantee an experience second only to that feeling of orgasmic headboard-rocking coitus.
Ever genial and handy, they paint the town red onboard a green Mitsubishi."

Rambling to 2007

2006-12-29T02:36:00.000-08:00

Fridays uncommonly serve me as downers.

I’m guessing it’s that feeling of sadness and longing to be home with family and friends.

Hello control dramas, my trusted friend!

Still, in my state of destitution, in the face of all my fashion transgressions, as my spa/sauna-deprived circumstances, I am thankful.

My nomadic, adorable Filipino friends in Port Moresby keep me at bay from insanity-ville. My Caucasian comrades keep me intoxicated every so often and have them to thank for things like yacht in social vocabulary.

I might exploit this into a long, mushy, rambling story. I better do something else.

No, I don’t masturbate anymore. At least I lie that I don’t.

Ever Belina

2006-10-30T02:30:00.000-08:00

It was our first heated argument. At the Burger King, of all places. Somewhere at Seoul’s gay district—we had our very first conversation without any mention of Miss Dominican Republic’s national costume for last years’ Miss Universe.

Some remark I made on his lover from few lovers ago ricocheted as retaliatory I-hate-this-and-that-about-you. Like a tong-its game (gin & rummy) in your neighborhood wake abundant with M.Y. San crackers and commoners’ coffee, things went hardcore and hate cards were laid.

Consciously, we’ve been avoiding any altercations on matters that matter. Like that homo sitcom, we were Will and Grace, Karen and Jack: spatting over the artistic merits of Bata Bata Paano ka Ginawa versus Titanic, what is the capital of Gabon, our waist lines and other people’s non-gym-going waist lines, commuting on jeepneys and my I-don’t-eat-at-food courts policy. It’s comfortable stuff only.

It’s as like as chalk and cheese this time: embarrassed stares, wrinkled noses. We said things to each other that we meant to say ages ago. Things we never thought the need to discuss them may arise…like Ever Bilena on cosmetics.

I’m not going to write about it though. I tell about other people too much.

Here’s what I can share though:

One is ever grateful to the heavens for a best friend with
1. two co-dependent nervous systems—for his penis and for himself,
2. with a taste for the mongoloid-ish oriental boys which cuts down any competition between us, and
3. with a twisted understanding of love but with the generosity to parade his broken heart and sore, sometimes violated ass once or twice once and again to set example to the likes of me who understands the game of love less.

Lubid at Lupa

2006-09-30T02:22:00.000-07:00

Hihiramin ba ang lumbay ng umaga kung sa krimen ng kahapon ay wala ka
Kahapong sinlapit ng nakalimot na gabi sa isang bulag na pagkakasala
Ang hakbang ba’y pabalik sa kalawakang bubog na may dantay ng lason
Lasong taksil sa pawis at luha

Aalayan ba ng rosal ang libingan ng mga buhay na bihag
Bihag at alipin na di na ma-amoy ang hiwaga ng pulang rehas
Mananatili bang itim ang belong burada ng ala-ala
Itim pa ba ang tema ng iyong dalangin

Sira na ang biyulin at pigtas na ang lubid ng duyan
Ngunit tila ang duyan parin ang kanlungan ng iyong tulirong damdamin
Anong kasabay ng iyong paos na himig
Himig ng iyong hikbing hanap ang mga punit na guhit ng byulin

Halika’t baybayin nating ang bangungot: tapang na tapakan ang mga bubog
Tumayo ka’t Ako at ako ay may paroroonan
Pulutin mo ang lubid na hinahagkan na nang giniginaw na lupa
Sa sapang dilaw doon lahat tayo’y magkita-kita

Di ba’t sa kahariang dagat ang hantungan ng bawat butil ng tubig
Libingnang may sumpa’t pangako nang muling pagkabuhay
Na ang tabang na tubig ay lilipas sa alat ng karagatan
Tubig at tubig, tubig din ang kalalagyan

Arok nawa ang pangitaing may bukadkad ng rosal at tiklop ng belo
Ang pagsunog sa lubid at paglimot sa biyulin
Anong lason man ang pumatay sa iyong maikling kasaysayan
Hiramin mo’t angkinin ang lumbay ng umaga

Papa

2006-06-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, what...three years?

I'm not sure if i'd make it to heaven... but if i'm refused entry, i guess we can meet up in a bar somewhere next to the gate and catch up on old times over a few bottles of San Mig.

I miss you dad. Happy fathers' day.

Bryan Anthony

5 PM

2006-06-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

5:00 p.m.’s are everyday to anyone as it is to me, but not today…

what and why port moresby’s cold june wind brought breeze of nostalgia, i do not know…

my late father seldom made it home at 5:00 p.m.

his showing-up on time is always a special occasion

for me it’s an answered prayer. it is.

--

papa IS the best cook in the world. although help was always around to prepare dinner, consistently, he does all the cooking every time he’s home by 5:00… making such days so special.

i never grew out of these 5:00 o’clock’s:

us siblings shove ourselves on the passenger seats, thrilled for that special trip to the market.

trips that make my day perfect no matter how fucked-up the rest of it was.

i would trade a day of waking life for another 5:00 o’clock with papa…one is to one...

---

papa always reminded us of two things every time we take these trips:

(1) a good cook buys the ingredients himself &

(2) only lazy people can’t cook.

this is not my fathers’ day blog.

Merry Christmas of 2004

2006-06-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

“Merry Christmas my dearest Bryan, although I did not expect you to be back in my life, much less hope you’d be with me again…and talking, laughing and spending time with you, at that moment was way out of mind. But…that night when you texted [sic] me, … that night when I called you twice and finally talked to you…that moment for me was no less than perfect. It’s one of the moments in my life that I’ll never forget. The timing was perfect. The FEELING was perfect. I couldn’t ask for anything more. For what it’s worth, I smiled the whole night after that, and I don’t know why. I just closed my eyes and it felt good. So needless to say, I gave it another chance and one thing led to another, I knew it…I knew it that I love you.

You take care of me, treat me extra special, and you make me laugh… A LOT.

Going thru all this trouble for you is nothing simply because I love you. I know you know what I mean. I love you so much.

Of course its difficult, even hard at times not being able to spend time with you. Everyday without you is such a ++++. So all I can do sometimes is fantasize about you. Parang yung kanta ng The Platters ba yun? Whenever I want you, all I have to do is …dream… dream, dream, dream.

Kasi I know when we finally are together again, pag yakap na kita ulit… everything will be perfect again. Nothing else will matter for a while.

Yung moments na nag la-last forever ika nga, kasi nagmamahalan tayo eh.

We have everything anyone can hope for; someone to love and that someone loving them back.

I await for that day my love!

Take great care of yourself for me, please.

I love you so much.

Have a very happy Christmas.

Can’t wait for you to come home soon.

Always,
++++”

--GREAT MY BREAST LID (an anagram)

This letter is reprinted with the knowledge and permission of the author

Mama Day

2006-05-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

Mama,

There'll never be a woman like you in my life.

I love you ma.

Bryan Stars

"A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive."

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Fucking River

2006-05-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

Rivers shocked the Logies audience when she said "I don't know why the fuck I'm here.”
---

How can a 72-year old woman make you laugh? She has to be Joan Rivers, period.

Half-sober Rivers presented an award at the Logies (the Australian equivalent of the Emmy Awards) and was unsurprisingly consistently herself.

She said “fuck” twice live on national TV, made fun of the Tom-Katie-Suri craze and chastised the Aussie people to “grow up”.

Joan Rivers was awarded with a complementary trophy, a pink one! [silver trophies are given to category winners while the the gold Logie is awarded to the most Popular TV personality of the year] After the co-presenter handed her the special Logie, there was a short applause from the dining crowd. And while delivering her “I’m-so-touched” line, she threw the pink monstrosity across her shoulder, the thing went rolling on the stage while Joan nonchalantly proceeded with her presenting duties.

Everyone went ape laughing.

Instead of reading out the nominees she stooped down to pick-up the trophy, waved it to everyone and announced that they can post a bid for it at E-bay the next day.

She then complained “it’s the most disgusting trophy I ever received”.

The whole thing was so hilarious I almost forgot about how blandly (a few of them—horrendously) dressed most of the Aussie TV stars were.

But I’ll be diplomatic and will keep the rest of my Logies 2006 red-carpet thoughts to myself. Papua New Guinea is still an Australian lair. This aint neutral ground!

What is life without comedy and ill-dressed stars?

Acts

2006-05-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

My Bible-armed colleague ambushed me one I-hope-no-one-speaks-to-me Monday morning rubbing the pages of the Acts of the Apostles to my Nivea Pore Cleanser-nursed face.

The bigot ran out of Amens when I told her I’m as Christian as Hans Christian Anderson but I don’t subscribe to the story of the physical Resurrection of Christ.

This is but one of the personalities I deal with in my day in and out here in the betel nut capital of the world—Port Moresby!

Life’s a bitch!

Kid

2006-04-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

My father’s bed
April 19, 2003
Around 10.30 in the morning

Me: Pa, have you said your prayers yet?
Dad: (shakes his head)

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen.

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen.

Me: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Dad: Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of my death amen

---
He passed away that afternoon.

That was our last conversation.

We still talk every now and then.

---

My father is fondly nicknamed “Kid".

Party Pooper

2006-03-22T06:10:00.000-08:00

I never said Lamana parties are cheap shindigs. The first time I went there I was so bored I died way before I could give the place a fair appraisal.

I can’t afford Spain to be an Ibiza party-file, and I’m a US visa short to hang around Miami either. Exposure wise, I am no where close to being a party diva, and I refuse to be regarded as one either even if people suffer agitation on my recent non-appearance at Port Moresby’s apparent disco Mecca.

Lamana or the people who enjoy themselves there are NOT cheap. If in my many nights of insobriety I happen to say such a horrible but not totally impossible thing, then accept this post as my official recantation.

Tetris

2006-03-17T06:44:00.000-08:00

My bed is starting to get crowded. Bert bought me a croc stuffed toy to accompany my caveman teddy.

I have a small bed. Good enough for just one person and good enough for me—in Port Moresby anyway.

I wonder how Ces dozes a non-alcoholic night away when she’s got an entire outback of space in her king-sized bed. I’ll find it daunting if I were her. Hell, every toss and turn is a reminder that there’s no one to nudge and grumble “move over fart!” at.

---

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with Ces.

Struggling with her chopsticks, she asked me: “WHEN will I be truly happy?” I wanted to tell her to visit the furniture shop. But I didn’t wish to go all too cynical before my tempura. I faked a sigh instead.

---

An ex told me that happiness is a state of mind. I didn't understand what he meant. I was 16 going on 17 then (21, if you really want to know the truth).

I gather that happiness doesn’t come in one she-bang. Not in one lump-sum. It comes in pieces. You have to see to it that each piece will make life bearable, a bit like a game of tetris. Bricks of assorted shapes trickle one after another for you to sort out. Sometimes you get the easily maneuverable pieces and sometimes you get the tricky odd-shaped ones like the crosses, T's or the L's. You just have to be smart about it to score points.

---

After the dinner my phone rang and it’s midnight-caller/stalker on the other line, offering his bed for the night.

I sighed (this time it’s genuine), wished him a good night (not) and for the nth time refused his offer.

---

That night I slept in my small bed with caveman, croc and a 100 unread pages of Sharon Creech.